Day 87: Two Days and a Wake-Up

Sorry for the lag, dear readers. Brenda and I have been frantically preparing for my next phase of incarceration: House Arrest. Anything remotely resembling contraband had to be boxed up and removed, and a place prepared for the base unit of my "Shock Collar". I call it that because the concept of the thing is just like the one my dog has, except his is to protect him from the big bad world (instead of protecting the big bad world from criminals like me), and he can actually use the entire yard.

These last two weeks are dragging, dragging, dragging! House Arrest is going to be miserable, but at least I will have a climate controlled, clean place to live, and a kitchen to cook in (instead of a bathroom). But it can not come soon enough.

For the last three months Brenda and I have been trying to figure out the right way to calculate how many days I have left. I never count today, nor do I want to count the last day, as I leave the prison at 7:15AM. When you count down the days until Christmas, you don't count Christmas Day, right?

Well a fellow inmate agrees, and like everything else, there is appropriate lingo: The Wake Up is the day you get out. Today is Tuesday, so I have two full days, and then Friday I get out: I have two days and A Wake Up left in prison!

I've been taking out my books the last couple of days. Today, I left carrying Theodor Adorno's lectures on History and Freedom and another inmate asked about it.

"You read much philosophy?", he asked.

"Some, but not as much as I'd like."

"I have the Nieztsche reader downstairs, and I found some Engels that I am going to read next."

Awesome. We had a short conversation about the similarities between rejecting Liberalism and rejecting Metaphysics before I left for work. Too bad I didn't run into this guy earlier, maybe we could have started a Prison Philosophy Club.

Day 75: Don't You (Forget About Me)

One of the things I and a couple of friends I've made often talk about in prison is: will any of us acknowledge another prisoner if we meet some time later, on the street?

Because there is a mix of all types here. A few other professionals. A couple homeless drug addicts. Some wayward teenagers. Guys who work in construction, guys who own their own small businesses. People in food service and health care. Some Black guys with gang affiliations, and some of their Latino rivals.

But on the block we are all the same and there is virtually no cliquishness. I am even addressing some Latino guys as "tu", instead of "usted", and am amusing myself with this just like Larry David did.

So last evening I was explaining this to Brenda, hoping she found it as amusing as I did. Such a band of misfits, nothing in common, but everything in common.

She replied, "So you are saying prison is like The Breakfast Club?"

Bravo!

Day 72: All About the Benjamins

This weekend there was quite a flurry of activity on the block. One inmate noticed that money was taken from his paycheck for his Fines & Costs but his Fine & Costs balance did not go down.

Recall, it works like this:

1. The inmate's full paycheck is sent to the prison directly. Or in the case of employer direct deposit, the inmate brings his pay stub and a cashier's check for the net pay amount.
   
2. The prison deducts 20% of the paycheck, no less than $50, no more than $204, per week since last pay.
   
3. The prison deducts $3 per week for drug tests which are never performed.
   
4. The prison deducts 50% of the remaining amount and allegedly credits it to the inmate's Fines & Costs balance.
   

This accounting is done only once per week. After it is done, the inmate receives back the pay stub and a small slip of paper indicating itemized deductions. It also shows the new Fines & Costs balance.

As the news spread about this one inmate's error, more people checked their statements. At least a dozen other inmates also have the problem: the 50% taken for the Fines & Costs has not been credited to the balance; i.e. since their last pay, the Fines & Costs amount has not changed, even though more money was taken off. Where did this money go?

I reviewed my statements in detail and while there are not large errors, the math is incorrect by a few dollars. Incomprehensibly, this must mean someone is doing it by hand and not checking their math. Or they are doing it on purpose and pocketing the cash. But the idea that there is no automatic error checking amongst the Fines & Costs balance, the pay check deduction system, and the system that prints the balance sheets for prisoners, is absolutely incredible. Can't the prison afford a copy of Excel?!?!?!?

I am not sure what is going to happen. A call to the County Treasurer would be considered a "personal call" and punished as a misconduct, with up to 90 more days spent in prison. I intend to submit a request form asking to see an itemized list of all my fines and costs on County Treasurer's letterhead (instead of the prison's) so I can compare it to what they have been taking and reporting as my balance. Or, I may just ask for permission to call the Treasurer directly. I see no reason they should not grant this, unless rather than incompetence, the prison is literally stealing from inmates.

Day 68: The Bibliography

You may have noticed that I added a Bibliography section to this blog. Part of this is admittedly hubris - of course the world cares what I am reading while doing time! snicker

Really, it is to help me remember, forever, the details of the experience. A list of what I chose to read, turns into a list of materials for the collage of my state-of-mind during this whole debacle.

I am trying to balance the page turning thrillers, by far the most popular books with prisoners, with classics, and non-fiction works to supplement some of my current interests. The most recent addition - and the one I am currently reading, is Hyman Minsky's John Maynard Keynes. The timely reprint is quite apropos in the middle of the current credit crisis.

It seems like every decade or two we have to go through one of these crises for people to start caring about the economy. The '87 Crash, Savings and Loan Scandal, Long Term Capital Management, Asian Crisis, Tech Bubble, and now a Subprime meltdown precipitating a worldwide credit crunch.

Those are just in my lifetime and memory, but the message is clear. People will exploit any power which they feel they can wield without accountability. In prison, the administrators and guards ruthlessly enforce rules which serve no purpose other than to dehumanize.

Similarly, the ruling class privatizes their profits and socializes their losses, the ultimate act of financial power without accountability. Hence, we have a gigantic gift to JP Morgan Chase (Bear Stearns at below-market prices, courtesy of the US taxpayers).

Which brings me back to Minsky, whose enhancements to Keynes's General Theory is a crystal clear insight into why we continue to have these crises. I am smitten with his analysis - but now even his solution is starting to sound better and better - socialized investment.

Day 64: Chi Chi

I've mentioned this topic before, but it is so important that it deserves an entire post.

The prison administrators are petty low-level bureaucrats who enjoy cruelty and showcasing their power. The COs are abusive and seem to suffer from varying degrees of antisocial personality disorders.

It is hot, humid, and filthy. Basic sanitation is not practiced. You can not purchase your own paper towels or tissues. Toilet paper is the only general purpose paper product. Somehow they have managed to insert large chunks of wood into paper thin sheets of toilet paper, so it is unpleasant to use for its main task.

We are forced to purchase expired and limited products from an overpriced commissary provider.

One wrong look and our jobs and livelihood can be taken away.

Yet none of that - NONE - is as bad as the food.

The meals are served on brown plastic trays. It smells grotesque and looks even worse. A plate of vomit? The remains of 3 day old salad removed from a garbage bin? Hair and insects? Ground mystery meats? Yes, yes, oh yes!

Very few prisoners eat their entire meals. A small minority are fortunate like me, and are able to eat while we are out at work. I get my tray though - I am, after all, paying for it twice (taxes and my boarding charge) - and give it away to anyone who wants it. The unfortunate other minority have no money and no job and no choice but to eat the slop.

The government does mandate a range of calories for the meals, but it is obvious the service provider is meeting these requirements by slapping butter and other fattening condiments (mayo, ketchup) on to trays. It also explains why every meal is served with a large piece of chocolate cake or a large danish.

So most prisoners receive the bulk of their calories through items bought from the store. Which is, of course, all highly processed, instant junk food. Not just candy bars, but instant rice and beans, instant ramen noodles, instant beef stews, and processed meats and cheese-like products.

At first I was really surprised that a lot of the guys in here are putting on weight. And I mean serious weight - some have clearly gained 25 pounds in the two months I have watched them. But once I realized what most people were eating, it became obvious.

The culprit is something called Chi-Chi. Chi-Chi is a generic term for prison cuisine made by prisoners in their bathrooms and cells. Since the food that is provided is not just awful, but bland and awful, prisoners search for flavor in bizarre ways.

Chi-Chi starts with some kind of base. Since we have a lot of Latinos per capita, rice and beans is a popular choice. Then pepperoni sticks or jerky are broken into tiny bits and mixed in. Spiciness is achieved by crushing up Doritos or some other kind of zesty chip and stirring it into the concoction. Given the ingredients, a single-serving bowl of Chi-Chi is easily 1500 calories, and some guys eat 3 or 4 bowls a day.

If you Google Chi-Chi, you do not get many relevant results. I was able to locate one article which mentions it in the correct context.