Day 64: Chi Chi

I've mentioned this topic before, but it is so important that it deserves an entire post.

The prison administrators are petty low-level bureaucrats who enjoy cruelty and showcasing their power. The COs are abusive and seem to suffer from varying degrees of antisocial personality disorders.

It is hot, humid, and filthy. Basic sanitation is not practiced. You can not purchase your own paper towels or tissues. Toilet paper is the only general purpose paper product. Somehow they have managed to insert large chunks of wood into paper thin sheets of toilet paper, so it is unpleasant to use for its main task.

We are forced to purchase expired and limited products from an overpriced commissary provider.

One wrong look and our jobs and livelihood can be taken away.

Yet none of that - NONE - is as bad as the food.

The meals are served on brown plastic trays. It smells grotesque and looks even worse. A plate of vomit? The remains of 3 day old salad removed from a garbage bin? Hair and insects? Ground mystery meats? Yes, yes, oh yes!

Very few prisoners eat their entire meals. A small minority are fortunate like me, and are able to eat while we are out at work. I get my tray though - I am, after all, paying for it twice (taxes and my boarding charge) - and give it away to anyone who wants it. The unfortunate other minority have no money and no job and no choice but to eat the slop.

The government does mandate a range of calories for the meals, but it is obvious the service provider is meeting these requirements by slapping butter and other fattening condiments (mayo, ketchup) on to trays. It also explains why every meal is served with a large piece of chocolate cake or a large danish.

So most prisoners receive the bulk of their calories through items bought from the store. Which is, of course, all highly processed, instant junk food. Not just candy bars, but instant rice and beans, instant ramen noodles, instant beef stews, and processed meats and cheese-like products.

At first I was really surprised that a lot of the guys in here are putting on weight. And I mean serious weight - some have clearly gained 25 pounds in the two months I have watched them. But once I realized what most people were eating, it became obvious.

The culprit is something called Chi-Chi. Chi-Chi is a generic term for prison cuisine made by prisoners in their bathrooms and cells. Since the food that is provided is not just awful, but bland and awful, prisoners search for flavor in bizarre ways.

Chi-Chi starts with some kind of base. Since we have a lot of Latinos per capita, rice and beans is a popular choice. Then pepperoni sticks or jerky are broken into tiny bits and mixed in. Spiciness is achieved by crushing up Doritos or some other kind of zesty chip and stirring it into the concoction. Given the ingredients, a single-serving bowl of Chi-Chi is easily 1500 calories, and some guys eat 3 or 4 bowls a day.

If you Google Chi-Chi, you do not get many relevant results. I was able to locate one article which mentions it in the correct context.